Forty Modern Fables, by George Ade, [1901], at DarkSideOfTheNet.com
A CONGREGATION needed Money for repairing the Church, so the Women got together and decided to hold a Raspberry Festival. Sister Frisbie invited them to come and Carouse on her Front Lawn. Some 22 Members of the Flock flew out and bought a few Things to Wear, the Outlay for washable Finery running to about $8 per Head.
Mr. Frisbie got $9 worth of Chinese Lanterns and strung them around. He wanted to do the Thing up Brown so as to get a Puff in the Weekly. The Paper came out and said that the Frisbie Front Yard with its Myriad Twinkling Lights was a Veritable Fairy-Land. That kind of a Notice is worth $9 of anybody's Money.
Mr. Frisbie and three other Pillars of the Church devoted $7 worth of valuable Time to unloading Tables and Camp-Stools.
The Women Folks ruined $14 worth of Complexion working in the hot Kitchen to make Angel Food and Fig Cake.
On the Night of the Raspberry Orgy the Public trampled down $45 worth of Shrubbery.
When it came time to check up the Linen and Silverware it was found that $17 worth of Spoons with Blue Thread tied around them had been lost in the Shuffle.
The Drip from the Candles ruined $29 worth of Summer Suits and Percale Shirt-Waists.
Four Children gorged themselves and each was tied in a True Lover's Knot with Cholera Morbus before another Sunrise. The Doctor Bills footed up $18.
After clearing the Wreck, paying the Drayman and settling for the lee Cream and Berries, it was discovered that the Church was $6.80 to the Good. So everybody said it was a Grand Success.
MORAL: Anything to avoid dropping it in the Basket.